Masterpiece Theatre: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

After taking a much-needed mental-health hiatus (aka, lounging around in my PJs with an open jar of peanut butter and a spoon), I need to break my silence the only way I know how: with a country-music video. So I am introducing everyone to the wonder, the glory, the dance-hall genius that is Trace Adkins's Honky Tonk Badonkadonk:


First off: The unaltered GarageBand dance loop layered underneath the down-home lyrics is, in a word, miraculous.

I am also weak at the knees for Mr. Trace's painfully awkward, he-should-be-embarrassed dance "moves."

BLESS!

I also likey what transpires at the 3:04 mark, when it morphs into a disco-infused roller-rink slow jam.

KLASSY!

And the lyrics! Dear Lord, THE LYRICS!

Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave her
It ain't right to hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
(Ooh, that's what I'm talkin' bout right there, honey)

I feel fuzzy inside. (And outside. But that could be my allergies.) Hell, this is just the feel-good song of my lifetime. What a time we live in!